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Let's talk about sex - the increase of sexless relationships

From: A Balanced View,

13
February
2012
Let's talk about sex - the increase of sexless relationships

There is a phenomenon sweeping through society. It's affecting thousands of people (that’s a conservative estimate), but it’s unlikely you will hear about it - because in general we are still stuck in the dark age of 'keeping up appearances'.

This phenomenon is that people aren’t having sex. I’m not talking about people in 25 year marriages or single people - I’m talking about 30+ year olds in committed relationships, or newlyweds not being sexually active with their partner for months or even years.

There are many possible reasons for this. The extreme view from one of my friends is that it's a natural wave of evolution, a way of limiting over-population. Not sure if Darwin would agree - but according to spiritual sexuality author David Deida, men and women have three stages of evolution.

In Men, Stage 1 is the typical macho guy - not emotionally open or great at communicating. This is a difficult personality to ‘relate’ to, as it can be like talking to a brick wall.

Stage 2 is the opposite - he is vulnerable, in touch with his feelings and desperate not to subjugate the woman. The problem in this scenario is that often Stage 2 man also has no spine. This also is difficult in a relationship, as the woman often assumes the man's role to ensure polarity is achieved.

Neither of these is balanced, so in comes the third stage – this is where we have a man who is vulnerable, able to communicate and show his emotions, but also in touch with his masculine strength and ferocity (yum!)

So, with the women, Stage 1 is a sweet spineless people pleaser. Her needs are secondary to her man's. Emancipation has totally bypassed this woman, and she fits perfectly with Stage 1 man who likes to be in control – the mix of Stage 1′s probably means they will have sex as the man brings the fire and the woman does her duty. This is not enlightened sex and at some point the man either gets bored of not having a challenge or the woman gets resentful and leaves.

Stage 2 woman is a bit like Margaret Thatcher (or my mother). A ball breaker extraordinaire, men quiver at her stare and there is no way she is gonna let her guard down.

Of course this is the perfect match for Stage 2 man but ultimately she gets sick of his weakness and loses respect for him and at some point he may decide he wants to take some control. (Stage 1 man and Stage 2 woman is a bit of a disaster, it’s a constant battle for control. On the flip side, a Stage 2 man and Stage 1 woman is just a bit drippy).

Again neither of these types of woman is balanced. Ideally we are looking for Stage 3, the true embodiment of the sacred feminine. Soft and able to own her vulnerability, but with the full fire of undamned rage at her fingertips. The combination of Stage 3 man and woman is the perfect union.

According to Psychologies Magazine, it can be difficult for couples to find a shared language to discuss the problem and many find it too vulnerable to open up . But the big question is, do you want to spend the rest of your life in a sexless relationship? If not, you need to do something about it – and that means talking.

There is a lot of amazing work out there - it can be a voyage of self discovery for each person that really deepens the relationship. Sure it can be tough, but the irony is that it brings you closer. Often, one partner just doesn’t want to do something like a workshop or see a counsellor, so the couple stay in the stalemate situation. It can be too hard (no pun intended) to figure this out ourselves - that’s why professional help can be invaluable.

Having an active sexual relationship is healthy and according to webmd.com there are numerous health benefits to having regular sex:

  • Stress release
  • Increased immunity
  • Improved cardio-vascular health
  • Exercise and calorie usage
  • Improved self esteem
  • Improved prostate health
  • Improved pelvic floor muscles
  • Improved sleep patterns

And my favourite reason is that the couple who play together stay together – surely that’s worth learning how to overcome the embarrassment and have that honest conversation. Once you have and you get the sex life you really deserve, you find you can then work through more - not just as a couple, but as a team. Plus, you can save a stack of cash on blusher as that glow will be coming from the bedroom.

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