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Picture your ideal spa getaway.....relaxing by the pool to the noise of boisterous boys bombing in the water, unwind in a crowded steam room which includes children. But don't worry, they're only allowed in between 2pm and 5pm.
Now, lie back, relax and get ready for your ‘45’ minute massage. Enjoy 35 minutes of the unremarkable fingers of one either inexperienced or unenthusiastic 'masseuse'.
Put a special code in your locker but beware…you may have to ask management to help out with their ‘endless’ problems of unlocking them for you.
Onto your evening meal in the understaffed, busy restaurant, where you will seek your waiter’s attention for ALL your needs including the starter bowls which will sit, un-cleared, for 45 minutes.
Finally, fall asleep to the whirring sound of the wedding disco (or is it the heating system?) whatever it is, it’s going all night.
And breathe! You're finally home...... Not your idea of a relaxing spa break? No, ours neither. We will NOT return to the Macdonald Portland in Tarporley!